When Pigs Fly!
by aDDleD.BraIn
Summary: When Pigs Fly! Being a very imaginative boy James might finally get Lily! Hmmm. doesn't Peter look like a flying pig with some wings a snout and a curly tail? LJ oneshot


**Gees i don't remember when i wrote this! Long time ago though! Hope you love it forgive the weirdness of snape germs!**

**Disclaimer: JK IS THE BEST IN THE WORLD! I OWN NOTHING SHE OWNS ALL SHE CAN BE THE QUEEN AND I SHALL BE THE LITTLE SPINICH ON HER TEETH!**

"Evans! Go Out with Me."

If you tallied the number of times James Potter said, commented, suggested and demanded the phrase 'Evans Go Out with Me' you'd get a whole list of strokes and lines on 300 sheets of paper. If you tallied the numbers of times he said this phrase differently there would be no more paper left in the world.

" Go. Eat. Your. Socks. Potter!"

If you tallied the number of times Lily Evans retorted with witty remark to James you would get twice the amount of pages to James. Of course these were just estimations but the result would be remarkable anyways if you really did tally.

James's face contorted with slight confusion.

"Eat my socks… What…?" It took as long as Sirius took to solve one of Remus's riddles for James to register what Lily just said and that was real slow Why would he want to eat his socks? He had just perfumed them! Maybe Lily was meaning to something else...

"Oh you mean I rock your socks? Ahhhh I get it!" James nodded with pure realisation not to extreme arrogance. It took him so long to figure what she had said… and it was wrong!

"CourseI rock your socks!I rock everyones socks that the socks in the world goes crazy!"

Lily glared at him that sparks flew out of her eyes and attacked James making James wince, a blue aura of annoyed-ness was glowing around Lily so brightly that it blinded James. James did the smartest thing he did in three years and changed the subject.

" So about that date eh!"

Okay well not the smartest thing but still pretty smart... compared to his other topic changes!

He casually yawned stretched up and attempted to place his arm around Lily of course Lily saw this coming and she stepped one step to the left. James found his arm over… Serverus Snape.

"EWWWWWWWWW!" James was practically screaming like a girl he went around wiping his arm onto poor random first years who were probably scaredto death.They now had... Snape germs covered on them!Lily rolled her eyes and tapped her feet annoyed as she was she waited for James to break his hysteria.

"Ahem, so about this date of ours," repeated James with attempted casualness trying to gain his masculinity back. "Say about ten-ish? Pick you up?"

Lily rolled her eyes, looked at the sky and said.

"Look up Potter see and flying things?"

James looked up examining the sky. "Well I see an owl and some birds and WOAH the clouds read LILY HEARTS JAMES!"

Lily was put into full alert at this comment.

"B-Wiff- WHAT?" She looked up Hysterically checking out every single cloud for about two mins or so, she realised it was a joke, there was a goofy green imprinted on James face. A goofy ANNOYING smile in Lily's eyes… but cute. Lily rolled her eyes.

"My point is do you see any pigs?"

James put on a confused face…pigs…belonging…sky, that was as weird as Remus belonging in... a gay bar. " Er… Say What Evans?"

"Exactly! No flying Pigs no date," she gave a light pat on James's cheek. "I'll go out with you when pigs fly James."

And then she skipped off, probably to decontaminate her hand from James Germs in a bathroom with overload of dettol, soap,and water that could start a drought, leaving James shell-shocked…though he had no shell.

He tilted his head to one side. Pigs flying air sky...what?

* * *

""Prongsie mate how'd asking Lily go?"

It was a few hours later, Sirius had just inhaled A LOT of sugar making him feel a little hysterical. Not that he was never hysterical. James muttered to himself incoherently.

"PRonGs! Talking's the first sign of madness!" Sirius slapped James on the face. "Snap out of it I don't need a mad friend, you've already got one!"

"Ow!" James moaned stroking his poor cheek he faced Remus who was reading a book. "Moony he slapped me tell him off!"

"Yeah Well he's taking my place in the marauders! I'm the HYSTERICAL ONE not him he's the redhead obsessed and wanker guy!

Remus didn't likebeingcomplained to as if he was some sort of...grandmother. He placed his book down delicately,I mean books are the most precious things in the world!. "How many times do I have to tell you guys I'm not your mother!"

Did the marauders ever listen to Remus? No, thats why Sirius was slapping James whenever he muttered incoherently to himself.

Slap!

Slap!

SLAP!"

"OW PRONGS THAT WAS HARD, MOONY!"

"For MERLINS sake sit and act like civilised people!"

James and Sirius sat down instantaneously, Remus was very very scary in his motherly form, even more scary then his 'Moony' stage. They decided toaim there attention to Peter, who was stroking a tiny florescent pink toad. "Errr Wormtail…?"

Peter looked up.

"That's a pink toad."

Peter smiled proudly. "I know I told Remus to make it that way!"

The faced Remus. Remus shrugged.

"He asked, I did!"

James and Sirius and probably Remus all thought the same things but they decided they would question Peter's gender another day...as much as Sirius wanted to rant on about it.

"So how'd it go with Lily?"

James smiled happily!

"IT WAS GREAT...Er something about flying saucepans…" James scrunched his face up to remember, memory, not his best point.

"Was it Pigs James?" asked Remus off-handedly.

"Yeah it was! When pigs fly she'll go out with me! AND SHE TOUCHED MY CHEEK!"

It wasn't the first time Lily touched him willingly she had, oh, kicked him, punched him, slapped him, shook hands with him, thwacked him, kicked him in a place he had to burn his shoesbut James just got excited when this opportunity came.

Sirius snorted. "So what she'll go out with you if she saw a pig fly?"

Peter began to hum and stroke his toad.

"Yeah," answered James staring at Peter.

"Just cut out wings and stick it on a pig!"

Remus snorted this time.

"You can't do that Sirius!"

"Why Not!" yelled Sirius creating a fight for the fun of it. " I can if I want to, you can't stop mee!"

"a) Think of the poor pig and b) it's illegal in 6 different countries, excluding Jamaica Wormtail!"

Wormtail closed his mouth with 'the Jamaica question' and looked back at his newly pink toad stroking and humming.

"Sure! We'll ask Prongs right prongs? Prongs!"

James wasn't paying attention at all he stared brightly and Peter.

"Hey Remus is it illegal to dress a human with wings?"

Remus raised an eyebrow. "No…"

Peter looked at James. "James why are you staring at me like that? James why are you grinning funny? James why are your hands rubbing eachother? Why's you just exchange glances with Sirius? Hey what are you guys doing? MOONY HELP HEL-…"

* * *

Over the last few days Lily Evans viewed some bizarre tasks the marauders were doing. One James and Sirius were looking around for paper and cotton buds and last time Lily saw they cut it out into wings before they saw Lily gave her an incoherent babble with lots of ummm and aaaaahhhhhhhssss and then they scampered off.

Lily also witnessed Remus reluctantly measuring Peter's height, weight, arm length, leg length which oddly confused he. Was Remus making a costume for Peter? It had a snout as far as she new and a tail… a curly tail. When she was spotted Remus sighed and said. 'Those boys are idiots!' and began sowing up something pink. But hten again Peter loved the colour pink.

Lastly Peter and been rehearsing day and night some strange animal sounds. Half the girls in Lily's dormitory betted it was a llama, the others were predicting Moaning Myrtle. Lily decided not to be part of these bets but she was sure Peter was actually trying to sing.

* * *

Lily was walking around the great lake casually when someone "accidently" bumped into to her.

"Oh Evans MY heavens." James put of a very fake shocked face reminding Lily of…a constipated verson of...jelly... "So so-r-r-y I did…not see you."

When he said "see you" he pointed to his eyes then to Lily. Lily frowned very worried of his saness.

"Cutthe constipationPotter what do you want."

"Er…" James looked at Lily for a second trying to decide what to say. "THE sky is blue today!"

James Potter pointing out weather? Odd. Had this something to do with quidditch?"

"Oh yeah great never noticed in my life." Lily answered in a sarcastic tone without even looking up, she tried to walk past James but he blocked her way.

"Er look Evans!" James pointed to the sky.

"What?" Lily didn't turn or look up, she had fallen for it once and James would usually shout. 'HA MADE YOU LOOK!'

"A flying pig?"

"Yeah!" yelled James.

Lily rolled her eyes at James gasping, rasping and hyperventilating…Drama Queen. Right a flying pig!

But then everyone else began gasping and screaming Lily only dared to peep.

Good God

She saw a mutated pig looking-like creature flying around screaming

"OOOOO_OOIIIIINNNN_NNKKKKKKAAAAAAHHHHHHH_OINKOINKAHHH!_"

She gasped. That couldn't be a pig. She squinted her eyes. No wait it looked like, Peter with wings...really demented wings! But then again Peter always looked like a pig. Lily frowned, no wait! Woah it was Peter with demeneted wings! What the heck?

"So, about that date?"

Lily turned around.

"I admire your imagination Potter!"

James smirked proudly...wait imagination? What did that have to do with there date?

"But... you'll have to get a cow over the moon to win me!"

Lily smirked slightly, patted him on the back and went to decontaminate her hand again.

James gasped...cow moon over fly?

Could you believe that James made A sock puppet resembling a cow to jump over the moon, or when James tried to run through a wall to gain Lily's love? But it was ALL worth itbecause James finally won Lily's heart by growing up!

But boy was that hard! Sirius began taunting James A LOT!

The end!

**Yes pllzz review or the marauders and Lily will be displeased! WHY WON'T YOU REVIEW! HUHHHHH? it only takes a second!...WAHHHHH YOU MAKE ME SADED**


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